The First Charge of the Light Brigade

        1.
Half a league, half a league,
“And how many leagues makes this?”
Onward! by Valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.
“Charge for the guns!” he said.
“Sir, there are no guns.” they said.
“Well ride to yonder fortress then.”
              So rode the six hundred.

        2.
“Forward, the Light Brigade!”
Was there a man dismay’d?
“Ooh-la-la,” the soldiers cry’d,
“Someone has blunder’d.”
“Well, now’s not for reason High,
Nor thoughts coy, nor action shy.”
“Here art we to woo and lie.”
For into the Bower of Bliss
              Rode the six hundred!

        3.
Harem to right of them,
Harem to left of them,
Harem in front of them
“What dances!” they wonder’d.
From pelvis rocks, passion swell’d.
Dismount’d their steeds, and well
Into the jasmine breath,
Into the house of—Hell,
              They’re men, they plunder’d.

        4.
Gawked at the bellies bare
Swooned in the sovereign air,
Savoring the honeys there,
Discharging armies, while
All the world wonder’d.
Plunged into languid smoke,
Sucked on the hashish toke,
Hails spewed ‘You’re my friend!’
And other half utters spoke—
Wit and duty sunder’d.
Then they rode back, but Ha!
              Not this six hundred.

        5.
Harem to right of them,
Harem to left of them,
Harem all about them,
Still dancing they wonder’d,
“Weren’t there cannons to quell?
Let’s send a horse and hero, tell
All to follow the jasmine smell,
For here abounds the wonders well.”
But who from among them,
              This bold six hundred?

        6.
Th’eunuchs and hermaphrodites—
Pull’d from golden terrace shade—
Rode back to those who wonder’d.
“Hail you prudes and war-bent mites!
We bring news from Light Brigade.
Of first charge success was made—
Not the jaws, legs we’ve open’d.
All are welcome at this glade,
Bower of Bliss and sundry sights—
              Come and join the bold six hundred!”