Friday, October 15, 2010

to the chaos realm in the hour of fear

Dear chaos realm, on this side of paradise
there are children and monsters
who both keep a hand on their watch chains.
Habbit now has them checking for the time
to be frightened or frightening.
There is no question of what to do
or how to feel in the doing moment,
only what time it must be done.

On this side there is order in the works,
the effect is still strong and terrific.
Though you know the time fright will occur,
dread hangs within all moments between.
I sometimes wonder whether the chaos
children and monsters have it better,
never quite knowing which moment contains fear.
No reason to trade, the thought itself is relief.

I ran into a man the other day who was convinced
the problem stems with children. He said pity
we outside Paradise are mortal and require
children at all, for without them monsters
would likely cease to be. He asked me if I agree,
that without children or monsters there would be
no fear left in the world and without fear
our need for God's power would diminish.

I could not answer him then, had a hand
on my own watch chain, the hour of my fright
approached and deadened my knowledge of all
other things. Yet his words remain,
a life without fear---I suppose the walls
around Paradise would have to fall then,
Overgrowth and bounty likely sprawling
and questions about one side or another dissolve.

Yes, i do suppose the need for God's power
diminishes in the light of such love
as a life and world without fear.
Is that a worthy trade, chaos realm dweller?
Give up our right to bear children,
exchange it for eternal lives as children
and nothing more, living in a monster free world?

I assume you can only imagine chaos living,
random and indefinite things, you must live
with fatherless moments and motherless feelings---
no universal law to point your finger at.
Can you agree that even these feelings and moments
would be bearable without the frame that fear provides?
Aren't you as tired as I to participate
in a side of rather than within Paradise?

I set this writing down to get it straight
at least in my own head---we have the children
because someday we die. This is but one solution,
a faulty solution, that does not necessarily
follow the problem. Its okay to claim nature illogical.
Better logic is to conserve our lives and forgo
procreation unless it paces well with supply,
and to work on nothing else till that solution arrives.

You may find a semblance of order in your chaotic day,
hints of patterns and regular tolerance for uncertainty.
But truly it is this simple, if you do not have
a watch chain linking your hand to your own personal
moments of fright then you are a chaos realm dweller.
We all have them here on this side of Paradise.
I suppose we could mutiny and toss our fear watch aside
and be as you, without warning, without predetermined dread.

But with or without the watch, fear is certain to come.
Some comfort comes in knowing when. Some comfort.
Give it a thought, would you? Write me when you can.
I have to go now, its near the hour for me.

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