#fiction - excerpt

i remember counting the tiles in the kitchen. recognizing the brilliance of all the details of the architecture. it all seemed like a model. I struggled not let myself think it was a condensed version of the universe. Because this would mean that I was in a perfect nowhere place that represented everything. If that were true, there needn't be anywhere else.

i understood the exercise of being there to include the fact that the outside world didn't really exist anymore.

sometimes while walking the tiles, i wondered if my memory of the outside world really did represent a reality that truly existed or if it was just a projection of a totality I had been toying around with. I know now that this internal monologue represented only a period of shock for me realizing that it all was just a projection of a totality that I had been toying around with. It would take me a few more years to convince myself to stop playing around with it.

the equation being just multiples of the same common denominator, i probably one time needed it to be complex. now it needed to be simple. and so it had been shrunk that i could focus on what it was that was glowing in my mind. this is an ascension story, by the way.

and that it was.

all was accounted for here within the ward's walls. and this seemed to be comforting, in retrospect I did seem to be comforted by that observation. so then, under this framework, to take three steps was to traverse more than a billion nanometers, and not without naming the particles along the way. and though that took more than a billion nanoseconds, my patience was up to the task. finally. it was a whole universe, not a small world. not a portion, but entirely complete. and we inside it were very very large.