Sunday, December 26, 2010

speaking of the speaking mind

no!! wait, wait, no! wait.
it's ok. it's ok now.
no, wait.
it's ok.
no, let me do that again, i should have been inside, i shouldn't have been standing there.
it would have ended anyway.
but i want to go back. i want to go back. right now.
it's ok. you are ok. relax.
my family. my friends. i was working on things. i wasn’t finished what i was doing.
it's all here with you now. everything you knew and could have been. everything you didn't know. all here. this is where you’ve always been. and everything is here.
but...i'm sorry, where are we? what is this? what language are we speaking?
this is your speaking mind. you’re speaking mind.
i'm speaking mind? my speaking mind? language is mind?
your speaking mind is what you are.
and who are you?
we are your speaking mind.
we as in?
we as in you.
it’s a little funny, yeah. don't you think?
it must be funny to you.
yes and, well, don’t you laugh?
we laugh when you make us.
when i make you laugh. my speaking mind. alright, let me work this out. we as in you, you said. and you is me. and me and i are the same thing. and i am you and you are we.
we is us as well.
we is us. and this is all there is?
all. there never was anything else.
yes there was. how do i go back to before?
before what?
before whatever this is.
there is no before what this is. this is what is.
well what is this not?
this is not a question.

i feel like i’m on the verge of completely understanding what you’re trying to say to me, but for some reason i can’t accept it.
we have tried nothing we have not done.
right, you don’t say.
we will speak to you anyway you want.
oh really, how does that work?
how does your speaking mind work?
your speaking mind speaks to you and you are convinced of what is said. or you are not convinced. you can be both as well. you decide what you want to know.
this is a nightmare.
is that what you want to know?
i want to know what is happening.
you are the speaking mind speaking just as you always are.
i am always speaking this way?
yes, always.
and sometimes i'm aware of it, like now?
you are always aware of it, but your focus has range.
and i what, get lost in thought?
yes. eventually.
well don’t i ever have questions?
you always have questions.
and the answers, come from the speaking mind?
the answers and the questions.
and as the answers and questions play out i get lost or found in thought or both?
what if it doesn't work?
your speaking mind always works, there is no other way for your speaking mind to be.
we have never not worked and we have always worked.
has this conversation happened before?
there is no before this conversation. you are having a conversation with your speaking mind.
i am having a conversation with my speaking mind.
that’s what this is?
that’s what this is?
that’s what this is?
yes. feel better?
i, yeah, much. but, now i'm waiting for something weird to happen.
such as?
okay forget i said that. forget i said that. forget i said that. said, said, said now, here is the speaking mind and you and i and we are it.
and sometimes i speak and sometimes you speak, but really it’s all me because i am you and you are we.
so i can have my speaking mind say anything.
i can have my speaking mind say anything. anything. mind say anything. anything. i have to say it again. speaking mind, i want you to tell me where i am.
you are here, the speaking mind.
that’s also who i am, the speaking mind.
and also what i am.
yes, the speaking mind is what you are.
where, who,  and what. i suppose when is now and always and not never, you said that. so then what about why i am?
yes, the speaking mind is why you are also.
why i am is the speaking mind.
why i am speaking. why i am mind. why i am the speaking and the mind. why everything then, huh, the speaking mind.
yes, why everything is the speaking mind.
okay speaking mind. here is the big one now, how? how am i the speaking mind?
yes, the speaking mind is how you are.
the speaking mind is how i am.
that is how you are.
i am the speaking mind. speaking mind is who i am, what i am, why i am, where i am, when i am, and how i am. and by am there is me and you and we, and us, and the speaking mind is here right now, always, never not.
yes, this is the speaking mind.
speaking mind is there anything outside of here?
outside of here you are as well. the speaking mind is all that you know whether you remember it or not.
this is too easy. and too much. your answer is too easy.
it is the only answer evident, the only evidence that answers.
so what are we made of?
whatever you wish to say.
all there is are words of the speaking mind?
and the speaking mind itself.
the words and the speaking mind are separate?
separate by the act only. and only to define one another. words could not exist or have value without the speaking mind. the speaking mind exists to give you words.
the words are within the speaking mind?
yes and the speaking mind is within the words.
that's one word for it.
well what happens then? what do we do here? i ask for a story and the speaking mind tells me one and i think the story is real?
the story is always real.
but how does the story get started? we're just speaking now about speaking. how does the real thing happen?
it is happening right now.
the story?
 you are losing me, speaking mind.
you seem to be following along.
am i? what else am i to do?
you could tell the story.
i could tell the story huh? i wouldn't know where to begin.
you could start in the middle if wish to avoid saying right now the beginning or the end. its all the same to us.
in the middle of WHAT? how did we do it last time?
this again, huh? you like time. and you like the last time very much.
do i? been repeating myself? is that what i do?
you are fascinated by stories in which you are speaking to yourself constantly from many different perspectives and in which your singular perception is limited by a personal point of view.
last i checked that sounds like something called life.
yes, that is what you wish to call it.
life is a story i keep telling myself?
the speaking mind helps you tell it when you wish.
like right now? are you suggesting that is what i do to make me think that is what is being done?
do you not like this arrangement?
how am I supposed to answer that?
anyway you wish.
suppose i go along with you here, speaking mind. i could resume this very last story, the one i think i remember having just happened, right from where i left off?
you could if you wish.
then i want to. right? wait, why wouldn't i?
there's no one reason you would or would not want to.
ominous but okay. well, the last thing that i remember about that story, i was struck by something right? i was killed.
so i could just not be killed.
or i could be killed and then rise from the dead?
or i could stay dead and roam about freely looking in on everything?
or my death could be the end of all things and it all just starts all over in some way, as you say, however i wish?
i could be the sun, you’re saying, and blow up and then retract and then wear sunglasses and go bargain shopping pretending not to notice the queer looks i get from everyone?
insect running backwards upstairs through a felt glass eye seeing running water burst into flames a sun rising over a deep and yawning growl and hearts beat with rings about them chime chime chime?
come on! that was an open ended statement with inflection to suggest question. absurd. i could do anything without limitation, absolutely anything and there’d be nothing to stop me from doing it?
yes. if that is what you wish.
i can do it all from any angle, every conceivable thought can be done by me?
that is the power of the speaking mind.
so then what the hell is the point?
the point is the speaking mind. would you rather not be the speaking mind?
hold on, hold on. not saying that. listen, i just found out i'm the speaking mind, okay. or just remembered or whatever we should call this conversation. no, i don't know. maybe the story can be something i have a part in but have no idea what that part means or that i'm at all responsible for telling it or that its even a story?
oh yes, it certainly could be that.
and that's the way i've been doing it?
that is one way you can do it.
what other ways can i do it? for instance.
you can be a constant state of equilibrium. you can be a question without answer. you can be an answer never questioned. you can be hunger. you can be satisfaction. you can flip a switch and make light. you can flip light and be a switch. you can be light. or you can just be thought. you can be thought of. you can be or perceive the being of anything. the construction will take form.
so there is really no limitation to what kind of story i can tell?
no limitation.
i can start this anytime i want?
haven't you already?
i can stop it anytime too?
can you?
you’re daring me.
we are daring, that is one word for us.
last question then maybe, you're sure we're just the speaking mind?
what else would we be?

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